Note: This article is a condensed version of the much longer, 10-post series, “Early Medical Trauma,” that can be found in the Deeper Dives section of this website. These ten posts delve into how early medical procedures affect children, causing them to form harmful narratives about themselves and their world. If you have a child under 10 years old who will have (or has already had) a medical procedure, this 10-part series is a must read.
Imagine this: a three-year-old has just had successful surgery. The parents and doctors breathe a sigh of relief, thinking the problems are now resolved, but while modern medicine has performed a small miracle, the child’s emotional experience may be quite different. For many kids, medical procedures carry life-long emotional scars that can be just as debilitating as an untreated medical problem.
I’ve seen this firsthand so many times, working not only with children but a surprisingly large number of adults whose current issues are directly linked to medical trauma in their childhood. For your young child, there’s still a lot of hope and possibility here: when parents anticipate and speak to their child’s experience, they can keep the medical procedure from becoming traumatic.
What kind of medical procedures are we talking about?
Think of it this way: your child’s body is holy to your child, and anything that enters it, restrains it, hurts it, controls it, etc. can feel too much for your child to handle and thus become traumatic. Any procedure that is invasive—as experienced by the child, not the parents or doctors—runs the risk of being traumatic, especially procedures that involve a child’s face, hands, or genitals.
The less a child is able to understand what is happening, the more traumatic a medical procedure can feel. Thus, the younger the child, the more likely simple procedures can be experienced as traumatic.
The child's experience
Trust and helplessness
When a child must have a medical procedure, she can’t control what happens to her body and will naturally feel helpless. Helplessness is a common feeling for all children, though they can tolerate it when they know their parent is in charge. If they can trust the person flying the plane, everything will be okay.
But here’s the catch: with medical procedures, the parent puts a relative stranger—a doctor—in the pilot’s seat. How is the child supposed to trust a doctor who is going to hurt her body? Not only that, how can she now trust her parent who seems to be siding with the hurtful doctor?
Obviously, these are not rational thoughts, but they are the way young kids commonly experience things. It’s not an intellectual issue, but an emotional one, and therefore the solution must be based around the emotions.
Confusion and fear
Because children are too young to understand what’s happening to their body, they feel confused and make up their own, often bizarre explanations for the medical procedure. Ultimately, their sense of helplessness and confusion leaves them feeling utterly scared, and often alone with their fears.
With these intense feelings, kids are very prone to inventing incorrect, unhealthy stories about themselves, their body, and the people who are supposed to help them.
Unhealthy stories/narratives
Even when doctors explain to children why they are having a medical procedure, kids often don’t understand what they’ve been told. Parents will need to explain the facts multiple times; otherwise, children will provide their own, incorrect explanations.
Here are a few common misperceptions children have:
- It’s my fault my body has a problem
- A part of my body is broken
- Doctors hurt even though they’re supposed to help
- My parents are siding with the doctors and not me
And after the procedure:
- Even though they fixed my body, I worry it won’t work right
- My body broke once and it can break again
These misperceptions are the basis for harmful narratives. While there’s a range of possible narratives, the narratives cluster around these ideas:
- My body is fragile and forever hurt
- I am a bad person
- I can’t trust people who are supposed to help
- I can’t let anyone get physically or emotionally close to me
- I am helpless when it comes to my body
What parents can do
Because so much of your child’s experience is based on 1) overwhelming feelings, and 2) misunderstanding, parents needs to speak to these two concerns.
The first step is to elicit your child’s feelings. This is a time just for listening, not correcting. If your child is too young to identify or express his feelings, you’ll need to do it for him.
His feelings are not just going to be general—say, being afraid—but he’ll have specific fears based on the type of medical procedure/problem he’s having. (Here, it will be helpful to take a deeper dive into what this looks like by reading the 10-part series, “Medical Trauma,” which details how various interventions have specific effects on kids.) The more specifically you can name the feeling, the more success you’ll have in helping your child with these feelings.
Related Posts
Medical Trauma, part 1: Introduction
The first in a ten-part, comprehensive series. We start with the basics of what you need to know about early childhood medical trauma.
Naming Emotions: a Key Part of Successful Parenting
Naming emotions for a child not only builds emotional intelligence and self-esteem, it improves the child’s behavior. Here’s how it’s done.
How Feeling Small Surprisingly Affects a Child’s Behavior
Young children feel very small, and this feeling radically affects everything they do. Understanding exactly how kids feel small can help parents deal with tough behaviors.
(mis)Perceptions: The Reason Young Kids Have So Much Trouble
Because young children misunderstand and misperceive things, they can create harmful narratives that can last a lifetime. Here’s how to prevent this.
Childhood Narratives: How They Impact Kids for a Lifetime
Narratives are one of the most important things parents need to know about a child’s psychology. This post will tell you what they are and how they work.
